extramarital affairs

If extramarital affairs were simple, then a greater majority of married men and women would have more than a wandering eye. You’d be more encouraged to give in to your lustful desires, unmindful of other people’s expectations.

But then again, an extramarital affair can be quite complicated. Neither black nor white, it’s a shade too uncertain and beyond other people’s comfort zone. On the superlative, it could be reminiscent of those clandestine meetings you’ve read about in Fifty Shades of Grey. Like the characters Christian and Ana, you’d find these clandestine meet-ups a bit exciting, a bit scary, all because you never know what to expect from one meet-up to the next.

All of these happen in private, as you just can’t afford to be too exposed in public. You are lovers who shy away from the public eye and prefer not be in the limelight. This allows you to have your own private tryst, free from the probing eyes and ears of others. This renders you free to do the unimaginable, instead of conforming to what’s expected of you.

But what can you expect from an extramarital affair that’s a level above Fifty Shades of Grey? Before any of you get a rude awakening, here’s what every clandestine lover needs to know:

1. Such an erotic affair requires you to choose your new partner carefully. Be wise in making a selection. Take time to get to know and assess a potential candidate. Although many may have the body and appeal for it, not everyone has that “it” factor for being singled out.

2. Part of the assessment means to ponder whether you’d be better off with someone who’s young and single, or with someone who’s older but just as attached as you are. Obviously, the latter presents less complications since you’re in for a no-strings-attached type of relationship.

3. It prompts you to set your own rules. You must define the relationship as to how you want it to be. Will be it be a purely sexual and non-romantic one? Who will be dominant, and who will be submissive? Are you open to spanking and other sadomasochistic behavior? What bed scenes and sex tricks are you willing to play? As a whole, determine how intimately you want to get involved, if at all.

4. Remember: It’s not a verses-and-roses type of romance you’ve signed up for. Every now and then, you may be gifted lavishly with unusual surprises and exotic toys but that’s as far as it goes. Don’t forget: You’re dealing with a master at seduction who definitely knows his or her game.

5. Expect that, eventually, you too may tire of playing the power game. You may find out that you’re not compatible after all, and this brings the affair to an end as it was meant to be.

6. At the beginning and end of any clandestine affair, you observe a silent rule that you’re forbidden to discuss anything about it. Fair enough, right? Remember: You lose out when you reveal too much to the wrong people. It could devastate another person or lead to someone’s untimely divorce.

7. Finally, there’s the issue of attachment. Not set in stone or totally in black and white, there’s a grey area to extramarital affairs which few people tend to acknowledge, and that’s the possibility of falling in love. It would be a whole lot simpler if neither fell for the other, but things like these happen unexpectedly. Not as simple as you first thought it to be, that’s when an extramarital affair gets all too complicated…

Are you seriously contemplating an extramarital affair on the side? If you are, then you’re in for a very tricky situation! First of all, there’s no room for error. It’s a cloak-and-dagger game of masking your own indiscretions perfectly by being at your most discreet. In 10 easy steps, here’s the art of how:

1. As a force of habit, most spouses are critical about the time you spend away from home or the time you’re supposed to be home but seem to drift elsewhere. Thus, be careful about constantly being away or unreachable through phone. Don’t be too careless about time that’s unaccounted for.

2. Be creative. Don’t be complacent with your excuses. It’s the way by which the guys of Brokeback Mountain got so easily caught – by staying with the same, old excuse of going on a fishing trip but never bringing home some trout. This really opened a can of worms no one wanted to touch or even deal with at that time…

3. If you’re going to cheat online, you might as well be internet-savvy. Have a secret account which you and you alone know about. Keep your user name and password all to yourself. Never, under any circumstance, reveal this to your partner or even to a buddy.

4. Screen the phonebook names, calls, and messages on your mobile phone. Like what if your spouse comes across a kinky message or a sexy photo by mistake? Mistakes can be costly especially when they’re evidence of heavy sexting going on!

5. Double-check your attire for any signs of physical contact. It may be as obvious as lipstick marks on your shirt and the fragrance (or stink) of strange perfume on your person. By leaving signs, you already lay the bait for a partner who already might be fishing for information.

6. Also, empty your pockets before you hang your coat in the closet or put your pants in the laundry. It’s as good as being caught with your pants down when your spouse accidentally finds evidence putting you at a hotel or paying for an escort service.

7. Better yet, go paperless! Don’t leave a paper trail in the wake of all your extramarital flings. Specifically, throw away all receipts, quick! These receipts include charges for hotel rooms, restaurants, and vacations as well as purchases of gifts, flowers, and sex toys.

8. Take charge of your finances. At all times, use cash instead of credit. In other words, use separate funds to finance your extramarital activities. Never, ever use the same credit line for purchasing your lover’s Victoria’s Secret lingerie as the one used by your wife for buying her Costco or Tesco groceries.

9. Not to deflate your ego, but avoid boasting with devilish glee about all your conquests – not even to your closest mates. Extramarital affairs are best kept as private as possible. Being candid and open about it even to the most understanding of friends could become good as an admission, one that will rebound on you later.

10. Lastly, be careful not to name names when you’re put on the spot or together in bed. In the heat of the moment, you just might call your spouse by somebody else pet’s name. Adding insult to injury, that’s when all hell breaks loose!

Miss any of these 10 steps, and you’re damned to serious mistakes with consequences. Flings have a way of revealing evidence that can be flung back at you. Sorry but evidence can be such a game-ender! As proof of your infidelity, it will cause you and your spouse (or somebody else’s spouse) the unnecessary shame, hurt, and agony that you’ve always wanted to avoid in the first place.