Extramarital Affairs In 10 Easy Steps

have-an-affair-1Are you seriously contemplating an extramarital affair on the side? If you are, then you’re in for a very tricky situation! First of all, there’s no room for error. It’s a cloak-and-dagger game of masking your own indiscretions perfectly by being at your most discreet. In 10 easy steps, here’s the art of how:

1. As a force of habit, most spouses are critical about the time you spend away from home or the time you’re supposed to be home but seem to drift elsewhere. Thus, be careful about constantly being away or unreachable through phone. Don’t be too careless about time that’s unaccounted for.

2. Be creative. Don’t be complacent with your excuses. It’s the way by which the guys of Brokeback Mountain got so easily caught – by staying with the same, old excuse of going on a fishing trip but never bringing home some trout. This really opened a can of worms no one wanted to touch or even deal with at that time…

3. If you’re going to cheat online, you might as well be internet-savvy. Have a secret account which you and you alone know about. Keep your user name and password all to yourself. Never, under any circumstance, reveal this to your partner or even to a buddy.

4. Screen the phonebook names, calls, and messages on your mobile phone. Like what if your spouse comes across a kinky message or a sexy photo by mistake? Mistakes can be costly especially when they’re evidence of heavy sexting going on!

5. Double-check your attire for any signs of physical contact. It may be as obvious as lipstick marks on your shirt and the fragrance (or stink) of strange perfume on your person. By leaving signs, you already lay the bait for a partner who already might be fishing for information.

6. Also, empty your pockets before you hang your coat in the closet or put your pants in the laundry. It’s as good as being caught with your pants down when your spouse accidentally finds evidence putting you at a hotel or paying for an escort service.

7. Better yet, go paperless! Don’t leave a paper trail in the wake of all your extramarital flings. Specifically, throw away all receipts, quick! These receipts include charges for hotel rooms, restaurants, and vacations as well as purchases of gifts, flowers, and sex toys.

8. Take charge of your finances. At all times, use cash instead of credit. In other words, use separate funds to finance your extramarital activities. Never, ever use the same credit line for purchasing your lover’s Victoria’s Secret lingerie as the one used by your wife for buying her Costco or Tesco groceries.

9. Not to deflate your ego, but avoid boasting with devilish glee about all your conquests – not even to your closest mates. Extramarital affairs are best kept as private as possible. Being candid and open about it even to the most understanding of friends could become good as an admission, one that will rebound on you later.

10. Lastly, be careful not to name names when you’re put on the spot or together in bed. In the heat of the moment, you just might call your spouse by somebody else pet’s name. Adding insult to injury, that’s when all hell breaks loose!

Miss any of these 10 steps, and you’re damned to serious mistakes with consequences. Flings have a way of revealing evidence that can be flung back at you. Sorry but evidence can be such a game-ender! As proof of your infidelity, it will cause you and your spouse (or somebody else’s spouse) the unnecessary shame, hurt, and agony that you’ve always wanted to avoid in the first place.